When I dove head first into the wondrous world of veganism (on June 13th, 2005 – I’ll never forget it!), I thought I’d never eat anything palatable again. I climbed the volcanic mountain of morality and tossed my taste buds into the bubbling lava, considering this ultimate sacrifice as a necessary right of passage in my journey to becoming Completely Vegan Ashley. After having seen the horrors of the meat, egg and dairy industry, I didn’t care if I died clasping a half–eaten carrot in one hand and an iceberg lettuce leaf in the other – at least I’d die knowing none of what I saw in those videos was my fault. Oh, new little vegan me!

Whenever someone tells me that they have decided to go vegan, the second thing I share after congratulating them on making such a selfless lifestyle decision is that going vegan doesn’t mean giving up all the foods that you loved PV (“pre-vegan”, of course)! If there’s one thing I wish I could tell my wide-eyed self on that first day of my life in the vegan light it would be that I could eat whatever I wanted, not that I was giving up taste all together by adopting a compassionate lifestyle.

tempeh bacon, lettuce & tomato

This week I felt like an apple pie, so I looked up the best recipe online, subbed the non-vegan ingredients for vegan ones (veggie shortening and Earth Balance vegan butter) and the result? Ahhhhhh-mazing! I also had fun veganizing a completely and utterly not vegan recipe I found while perusing blogs about frugal living.

Vegan apple pie

The result, which I’ve named the Marlboro Man’ Vegan Brothers’ Favorite Sandwich (a play on the not vegan version’s title), is a sandwich that would fool any self appointed carni. I can see it now: donning a florescent orange trucker hat, sandwich sauce dripping all over his camo shirt, in true caveman fashion exclaiming, “Me man! Me eat meat!” It should be noted though that said sandwich should come with a disclaimer – vegan doesn’t necessarily mean healthy! While free of hormones, trans fats, poly saturated fats and cholesterol, my MMVBFS isn’t for those who are afraid to cook with a little, no, a lot of vegan butter! Think “Two Fat Ladies… Go Vegan!”

marlboro man's vegan brother's favorite sandwich

The key to tapping into the limitless vegan menu is tossing out any preconceived misconceptions about vegan “rabbit” food and just following your heart and hunger! Want a Whooper? Find a bangin’ vegan burger recipe and flame broiler away, friend. Don’t forget the Tofutti cheese slice and Veganiase. And for the love of all things holy, do not let the nastiness of a Boca Burger find it’s way to your plate. They taste like cardboard – get you some Life Lite Vegan Ground “beef”, garlic powder and vegan Worchestshire sauce and your in business! Want some Popeye’s Red Beans and butter biscuits? Find a copycat recipe online and switch things up a bit. When I sped past a Popeye’s on my moped one day after class, my nostrils filled with that nasty yet familiar fast food smell, I went home, busted out the beans and a bottle of Liquid Smoke and voila. Vegan Popeye’s. The possibilities are endless!

So next time, when a none-the-wiser omni inquired about your daily menu, just remember that you most likely wondered the same thing and tell them the flat out truth: “I eat whatever you do. I just do it a little different!”

Last post I touched on how dairy comes from raped, abused and exploited mothers. Now image you are her newborn baby.

Milk is Murder

Having spent your entire life so far inside the warmth of your mother’s womb, the rush of her blood bringing comfort and the movement of her body rocking you to sleep, suddenly, you are thrust out into the strange, cold world. Confused, disoriented, feeling the weight of your own body after having spent your entire life thus far in a liquid suspension – you know your mother’s smell, the sound of her voice. You cry out for her, looking to be soothed by the same one who been their for you all the while.

In nature, as soon as your wet, slippery newborn body hit the ground, your mother would turn around and immediately start kissing and licking your stinky coat, an act that helps stimulate breathing and bring comfort. As you struggled to get steady on your stick-thin legs, she’d be there, her warm breathe brushing your matted coat, ready and waiting with an udder full of warm, nutrient-rich milk. Born with the natural instinct to seek your mother’s teat, the simple act soothes and reassures you: “It’s okay. Mama’s right here. I’m safe”.

This whole natural process is completely interrupted on commercial factory farms. In the Farm Sanctuary video “It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way”, a newborn calf, steam curling of his freshly born body, is seen being dragged through a mud and feces filled lot immediately after having passed through the birth canal. A careless farm hand drags him by a leg through the filth as his poor mother desperately runs after him, helpless, desperate.

If you are born a male, a dairy “by-product” (not genetically bred to grow grotesquely large and unable to produce milk), this is your fate. No mother to comfort you and no human around who thinks you’re more than just a veal production unit, you are thrown into a dark, wood slate crate – no bedding, no straw. A chain, just shy of a foot long, pinches your neck, securing you into this place that will be your home for the next 6 months until you are trucked off to slaughter, too weak from muscle atrophy to even walk. You are deprived of your mother’s milk and kept stationary so that your flesh stays nice and tender, just what veal connoisseurs are after. Some heartless farm hands take advantage of your desperate need to suckle what ever is put in your mouth – you know no better, you just want your mama.

Even if your tail hadn’t been hacked off for “sanitary” reasons (one less thing to get covered in your chronic, nutrient-deprived diarrhea), you’d never wag it. You have nothing that makes you even remotely happy. Six months of no sun, no grass, no breeze blowing through your fur, no mother, no love, no kisses. Six months of “why, why, why?!” You are living in a hellhole that is worse than the fate that fell upon many at Auschwitz. You are another number, another forgotten victim of our modern day holocaust.

Female calves suffer an ill existence as well. They are forced into the same slavery their mother’s suffer. Endless cycles of rape, being robbed of their child, and having their milk forcibly removed, with no compensation for their lives of servitude.

The one thing mother cows and their babies, be they boy or girl, have in common is their final fate: slaughter. Even on “organic, grass-fed” farms, cows are offered no retirement to a lush green field where they can chew cud till their last breath. No pat on the back or “atta girl”. Mother and child will all, at one point, get shoved into an over crowded cattle car and trucked off to slaughter. Having their life taken away so that a man could profit, they are forced to “sacrifice” their body – their only true belonging – so that Burger King can have a dollar value menu.

This is the face of dairy. This is where the cheese on your veggie pizza came from. This is where the half-n-half in your grande mocha latte came from. This is where the cow’s milk in your cereal came from. Is THIS worth it when there are humane, compassionate vegan alternatives to every dairy product in existence?

Do the right thing. Dump meat. Dump dairy. No mother deserves to be robbed of her child and a life that even remotely resembles a natural existence so that humans can eat what her breasts secrete. No food has or ever will be worth that price.

[image credit: Word1000.com]

May sound counter intuitive coming from a strict, “no, not even honey” vegan but I’m completely serious. Granted, I’d rather lick the soles of Britney Spear’s feet after she’s come traipsing out of a gas station bathroom than gnosh a slab of steak but if I had the choice between meat and dairy, I’d take the meat, all the way. And here’s why.

Male cattle raised for their flesh live a horrific existence, no doubt. Ripped from their mothers at birth with no chance to bond and know love, having their testicles and horns cut off with no pain killers (a method approved by the American Veterinary Medical Association yet, if you did the same thing to a dog, you’d be arrested on animal cruelty charges); living in feces filled feed lots, often times being denied veterinary care for fatal infections that the massive amounts of hormones they are fed can’t ward off. There’s no denying, cattle raised for their flesh live a life I would describe as hell on earth. Think it can’t get worse?

In order for cow mothers to make milk for their babies, they are repeatedly raped again and again by farm hands with a shoulder high latex glove and a vile of bull cum. A little after 9 months of gestation (hmmm, just like humans… but no! We have nothing in common!) and feeling their sweet little babies kick in their bellies, cow mothers push through the natural pains of child birth only to have their babies ripped from them the second they hit the ground. Cow mothers cry and bleat and beg and kick at their confine bars – they love their calves and like any mother, it kills them to have their precious little one stolen away.

How Dare We consume DAIRY

Then cow mothers, whilst recovering from the physical and emotional trauma of having their babies stolen, don’t even get to feel the lips of their little babe suckle their udder. Nope. Shortly after giving birth, there are hooked up to a steal machine that rips and tears their teat – and they get this fabulous little spa treatment six times a day, every day, after they have their first baby. A mama cow’s milk that her body has made for her baby is sucked out of her breast by the same people who raped her, who kidnapped her freshly newborn baby before she even had a chance to turn around to smell them, all so they can sell it for profit.

What does mama cow get as compensation? While we humans are paid for the time we spend making money for the man and we get to go home at the end of each work day, cow mothers are forced to devote their whole lives, their whole existence, to making profit for their rapists, without a day, an hour, a moments rest. They don’t even receive a soft bed of hay, a nice pet behind the ears, a healthy meal free of by-products and hormones. No. These mothers are treated like trash, production units, baby-making machines.

They are forced to live in mud and shit filled lots, sometimes sheds void of any natural lighting. They suffer case after case of mastitis, a breast infection (which results in puss in your milk) – coming from a mother whose has mastitis, it’s like someone punched you square in the tit. It hurts to high hell and along with the breast pain, you’re whole body aches like you have the flu. I only had it one day – dairy cows live with it every day of their lives. And when their tits don’t make enough milk, they don’t even get the luxury of retirement to a happy little field with rolling green hills. When Farmer John is all done raping her, stealing her babies, stealing her milk, he shows his gratitude by shipping her off in a feces encrusted, over-packed trailer to be chopped up into ground chuck.

The life of a dairy cow sounds like a hell on earth that no sick mind could even make up. As a mother, the thought of living a life like that physically makes me ill. But it doesn’t stop there. Next post, let’s take a peak as to where that stolen baby ends up.

The mere utterance of the p-word sends many a vegan into abyssal annoyance. The fascination non-vegans seem to have with protein and “getting enough” is a curious phenomenon with roots buried deep in pure ignorance about where one can acquire this dietary darling. Gather around, huddled and curious masses and allow me to introduce you to my dear friend, quinoa.

Beautiful quinoa in a bowl

This teeny li’l grain packs a ridiculously mighty protein punch. A cup of quinoa has 24 grams of complete protein, 48% of the daily recommended value (for adults and children 4 and older). That’s more than a Junior Whopper with cheese and mayo (16 grams), a 10 piece chicken McNugget (23.8 grams), three large hard-boiled eggs (18.9 g), or a slice and a half of Dominos pepperoni pizza (20.9 g). With these few facts under my vegan defense intellectual tool belt, I can’t help but stifle my chuckles when a vaguely aspiring cud gnosher tells me the only hurdle in their cruelty-free dietary journey is that they need their protein and “the only source of that is meat”. It’s sad that most people don’t know that you can even get protein from non-animal sources and I having thought that way for 20 years.

And this ain’t just any old run of the mill protein. Quinoa is teeming with complete proteins, proteins that contain all the essential amino acids. This means no need for combing proteins (i.e. one bean dish plus one rice dish equals one combined protein feast). It’s a common misconception that to get in their complete proteins, vegans have to sit down at every meal and tally up this amino acid here, another amino acid there until all AA’s are accounted for. I’ve heard many an aspiring vegan/vegetarian explain they just don’t have the patience for such a (superfluous) task. Pish, posh, Vegan Would-Be! The vegan banquet table is teeming with complete protein fare (beans, soy, almonds, whole wheat bagels, oatmeal, etc.), and quinoa’s no exception.

Many of the things that give quinoa the right to sit at the cool kid’s table in Healthy High cafeteria revolves around what it doesn’t have. It doesn’t have loads of saturated or trans fats. It doesn’t have sugar. It is easy to find organic so isn’t swimming with hormones or pesticides. It won’t give you cancer if you eat too much of it. It won’t give you E. coli or salmonella if you don’t cook it long enough. It won’t give you heart disease. It can be stored for eons without spoiling.

What is one to do with this curious little crunchy grain? I’m a fan of mixing it in with salad dressings to boost my favorite leafy greens and mixing some in with the morning oatmeal is an easy way to start off right in the a.m. Another fave recipe of mine is Indian-spiced quinoa with sweet peas and pine nuts. When topped with some curried lentils and sweet potatoes, it’s like indulging in a delight fit for the gods and goddesses.

So stock up, my “protein deficient” comrades – quinoa is here to quell your woes and fend of those inquiries into the source of all that needed protein! Not only is it good for your bod, it’s great at putting those skeptics in their place while at the same time giving you the chance to drop some basic nutritional knowledge.

To say that I don’t quite fit the bill of a domestic terrorist is an understatement at best. When I find a critter in the house, be it ladybug or roach, I take to paper and cup and gently transport my unwelcome houseguest to their more appropriate outdoors abode. I wouldn’t hurt a fly… literally. But according to FBI deputy assistant director and top official in charge of domestic terrorism, John Lewis, as a vegan and animal rights activist, I’m more of a threat to the safety of our country than Timothy McVeigh. “The No. 1 domestic terrorism threat is the eco-terrorism, animal-rights movement.” This is where I bare my fangs and make a threatening hiss! Scared yet?

For a group of individuals who have yet to cause the death of one human or non-human, Environmental Liberation Front (ELF), Animal Liberation Front (ALF) and other environmental and animal rights organization participants seem slightly out of place on the list of our country’s most ominous domestic terrorists. Putting groups that encourage the assassination of doctors who assist in abortions aside, let’s examine one of the many violent hate groups that are child’s play in comparison (all according to the United States Federal Bureau of Investigations, of course) – the Ku Klux Klan.

The Klan is responsible for hundreds if not thousands of deaths and acts of extreme violence against African-Americans, whites who defend African-Americans, Jews, Catholics, homosexuals, and other immigrant groups, not to mention all of the acts of vandalism targeted towards businesses owned by a person who falls into any one or these categories. Lynching, shootings, church and synagogue burnings – the Klan is merciless. Recently a woman was fatally shot by Klan members when she backed out of joining at a campsite initiation. Bet those Klan members are turning in their hoods trying to figure out what they need to do to win the spot on top of the domestic terrorist list.

As it stands, our government is more interested in spending this country’s budget on chasing after and prosecuting tree sitters and mink liberators than white supremacists who are actively killing those who don’t look like them or who don’t conform to their ideologies. The Ku Klux Klan is a racist, anti-Semitic movement with a commitment to extreme violence to achieve its goals of racial segregation and white supremacy. Yet, the KKK is less of a threat than ELF and ALF. Come on, how could that possibly NOT make sense?

A quick read over James F. Jarboe’s Congressional Testimony reveals the key. You gotta hit ‘em where it hurts. Jarboe’s speech tallies up the monetary tolls rack up because of acts like logging and fur farm sabotage but no where is there even a hint that one person was even injured or that any life, human or non-human, was targeted. Total after total are quoted with no trace of intent for these eco-terrorists or animal rights activists to target a sentient being.

Animal rights and environmental rights “extremists” threaten lucrative, often times government run and regulated industries: meat, dairy, egg, logging, oil, land development, not to mention the endless number of multi-million dollar businesses that flourish only because they ride the coat tails of these industries. Be it through peaceful protest or direct action, animal rights and environmental activists hurt these industries’ bottom line and affect their consumer market. Most Americans want their cardiovascular disease inducing burgers with a side of chili cheese fries. They need their brand spanking new Urban Sprawl homes built atop clear-cut ancient forests. God forbid they walk or rid a bike to the Star Schmucks on the corner to buy their non-organic, not fairly traded café au lait!

ELF, ALF, et al. aim to restructure all of these opulent American comforts. The KKK couldn’t care less about these issues. They want to destroy people. ELF and ALF aim to save lives. The KKK aims to kill. Eggs, oil, SUVs are objects that have intrinsic market value, value that must be protected. According to our government, protecting people, like the ones the KKK aims to annihilate, comes second to protecting revenue projecting commodities.

Needless to say, sounds like some priority restructuring is long overdue.

Eat Fruit and Stay Alive

Futurama knows funny but they sure as hell don’t know vegans. In an episode geared at making fun of conscious herbivores, some whacked out hipsters on the show used a lion forced to eat a diet of tofu as an example of a vegan diet’s “numerous benefits.” Said lion was puny, impish and sickly looking, aka: vegan stereotype. When people hear I and my whole family – 14 month-old toddler included – eat an exclusive animal-free diet, it appears they’re surprised we don’t look like strung out lions forced to eat a diet completely contradictory to our bodies’ natural physiology. “But… but… how?!”

Fact is, eating a vegan diet – not the lazy man’s Coke and Sweet ‘n’ Spicy Doritoes diet but a real, ground grown vegan diet (with maybe the occasional guilty hydrolyzed chips pleasure) – can make you stronger and healthier than those sustaining off of flesh foods, specifically in regards to the plague of modern day man. Cancer. Some carcinogenic factors are totally out of our control – genes, environment in some cases – but all’s not lost. There’s something we can all do every day to significantly reduce our risk. Like they say, mama knows best – eat your fruits and veggies!

Loaded with a plethora of vitamins, minerals and antioxidants, these plant-produced power foods can literally save your life. I’ve heard many an omni nil-for-brains argue that our bodies need meat and dairy to live and be healthy. Oh, is that so Mr. Omniscient God of the Omnivorous Masses? More meat, more dairy = more likely to get cancer*. More fruits, more veggies = less likely to get cancer.

For bodies apparently so hell-bent on leeching every needed nutrient from rotting flesh and putrid bodily fluids, this all seems a li’l backwards. After millions of years of evolution, you’d think our bodies would evolve to thrive off of what we need. Oh wait. THEY DO. Which is precisely why that T-bone can end with a guy sticking probes up your rear in search of cancer causing polyp nastiness. There is no amount of blueberries you can eat that will cause any type of cancer whereas daily doses of filet can result in frequent does of chemo.

It doesn’t even stop there. The list of preventable chronic diseases that can be curbed with a vegan diet is ridiculously ginormous. Oh, fruits and veggies, how I love thee.

If you’re not already at the fridge groping around for that maybe-still-good celery stalk, here’s some advice from a former junk food vegan on downing your 5-a-day. Eat organic produce ranging in a variety of colors – different colors usually is generally a good sign of different concentrations of nutrients. A half-cup of blueberries, a half-cup of strawberries, a cup of 100% fruit juice each equal one serving. Not so daunting, huh? Toss the lot in a blender with a whole banana and some vanilla soy yogurt and now you’ve got a smoothie packed with your entire recommended daily intake.

Be sure you buy produce you like otherwise you’re just going to end up with some of the best compost on the block right next to your carton of Almond Breeze. Try new things but if it’s a no-go for the taste buds, steer clear. If you tend to be out and about, stock the pantry with portable grub. While I’m a sucker for a perfectly ripe mango, dried slices are a close second – they’re a great go-anywhere nutrient packed power snack… that fights freaking cancer! Try finding a bag of pork rids with that kind of resume.

So next time a skeptic squeezes in their two cents about proper nutrition in between bites of their mega bacon triple patty burger barf fest, take a second before your next green leaf garnished falafel wrap mouthful to appreciate the palpable irony.